eleanor_cleavel

Wow.

Someone took a picture of me getting my Fleur at Coronation and the only thing I could think was "holy shit - how did I get so fat???"

I've been fat since I was a freshman in college. Don't know how I got that way. I wasn't fat in high school. I guess once puberty ended my body started storing fat for the Apocalypse or something. I now tip those fucking scales at 307. Someone fucking shoot me.

So, I talked to Countess Haley about her procedure she had to lose weight. I had looked into it once before but scared myself with images of me bleeding out on the operating table a la "ER." Too bad George Clooney isn't on there anymore. WRRARRRR!

So anyway, I had a long talk with Haley and she got me thinking. So I am doing some extensive research on the procedure, the side effects, the risks, the benefits, etc. I'm tired of being jolly old Eleanor. I don't want to die at age 49 like my 537 lb Great Aunt Teeny did. I want to be around for a VERY long time just to piss a few people off.

I'm scared, though. Scared of the idea of being so totally under anesthesia that I have no control over what happens to me. I've never had surgery before. I've never been unconscious for any length of time. But something's gotta give.

I look at myself in the mirror and I think "where am I?" Even the woman in my wedding picture from four years ago doesn't exist anymore. I can't see her through all this fat.

Joe is always telling me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me for who I am and all that jazz. I know he means it - he doesn't compliment just to do it. He's the type that when he says it, he means it. But I don't want him to have to worry about me dying in my sleep or whatever.

Sorry to put all this out there for anyone to read. I know it's all real personal and stuff. But, I'm scared. I'm afraid of getting this surgery. I'm afraid of not getting this surgery. But one thing's for certain - I'm fucking tired of being fat.

E

Well, I don't have a choice tomorrow - I gotta go to work. :o( Oh well. I have tomorrow then three days next week then four days off. HOORAY! Nothing irks me more than when people come to work sick under the guise of "ohhh...the office can't run without me...whaaaa!" Ugh. One person did that at work this week and now I am two days' out with only one sick day. *sigh* Sick people suck (including myself).

Ok enough bitching. I am alive, which is a bonus. :o)

More later.
Eleanor

It's now 1am and I'm freaking awake. Being sick sucks big hairy green toe.

I prolly should be studying my algebra considering I'm two units behind and my test is Friday. I should also being somehow managing to read a historical novel for kids for my other class that is due, ironically, on Friday as well (prof is a sadist, I just know it!). Thank gods I got my stupid observation done for intro to education. Talk about a thorn in my side! I only have three weeks left of class then a whole month or so off school. Oh my gosh, I prolly won't wanna go back after a month off!

I am so eager to get done with school. I'm sick of it, sad to say. I guess I'm just tired of it taking up my life. Of course, taking 9 hours and working full-time with a 45-minute one-way commute each day isn't helping matters much. At least my boss rocks. One more year then I can have summers off and winter breaks and spring breaks and all that fun stuff. I can't wait to be a teacher!

Still not sleepy...shoot me now, please!

Anyway, so this whole blog thing is interesting. I have to make sure to keep it apolitical, though. Apparently, my work likes to read up on employees. They are so into Big Brother and all that crap. A bunch of creatins they are. But you didn't hear it from me. I'm just a cog in the machine. :o)

Crap! STILL AWAKE!!!! >:o( I need chocolate.

Hubby is snoring away. Damn that boy can snore! *LOL*

Oh well...back to work.
Eleanor the Silent and Sleepy

Well, here I am!

I am now an official blogger. I feel so high-tech and with it! :o)

Sibilla had me join on here so I could keep up with her and Ari.

Don't know what else to write right now. Have a great day!

Eleanor Cleavely